Bobleesays.com has a hilarious take on the latest in the NCSU/Easley scandal. All good humor has an element of truth in it and BobLee is very good at humor. Below is part of his column from yesterday.
The much maligned, embattled, cussed, discussed and golden parachuted former NCSU Chancellor Jim “I forgot” Oblinger appeared before a federal grand jury on Wednesday. According to his lawyer, Press Millen, the embattled former Chancellor “answered all their questions”. Press failed to note that “not answering” was never an option. (NOTE: "Press" is a LOT better spokesman name than "Ace")
The grand jury’s questions were not released to the media, but yours truly managed to get a copy of the transcript thru back channels.
Q: Embattled Former Chancellor Oblinger, can we call you Embattled Former Chancellor Oblinger? …. Or do you prefer Sergeant Schultz?
A: At this point I don’t really care. “I know nuuuuthink”.
Q: OK, Schultz it will be. Sgt Schultz, what were the three funniest nicknames you and your staff had for McQueen Campbell?
A: Howdy Doody obviously. William H. Macy was my wife’s choice. "Mikey’s little butt boy" was always Larry’s favorite. He wanted us to call him "The Red Baron" but none of us could without giggling. Tom Stafford was the only one who called him Mr Campbell; but what would you expect from that nutty squirrel.
Q: In his several years on your campus, did TA McLendon EVER set foot in a classroom building for any purpose not directly related to personal urination?
A: Yes. On November 12, 2003 he went into “that round building” to get out of the rain.
Q: Are you certain of that date?
A: Yes, I had a crackerjack memory until Dan Gerlach and McQueen started e-mailing me 10x / day.
Q: Excuse me Schultz. Would you repeat that last part?
A: No. I only have to answer each question once.
Q: Can you tell the grand jury exactly what “a Provost” does?
A: No sir. I cannot.
Q: Can anyone?
A: Not anyone I’ve ever met in 30+ years in this silly business. I asked Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday once and he gave me a really dirty look.
Q: Who booked your speakers before all this mess?
A: A student intern named Muriel.
Q: What did she receive as payment for doing the job?
A: Ben McCauley.
Q: In retrospect, what would you do differently today.
A: Hire Mary as Womens Basketball Coach at $230,000.
Q: Why did you guys concoct this stoopid scheme in the first place?
A: To redirect public outrage away from Lee Fowler.
Q: What can you tell us that Curliss and Carrington don’t already know?
A: For the past two years it’s been Mikey & Mary in those Mr & Ms Wuff suits.
Q: Yikes! Anything else?
A: They both do it “commando-style”.
Sgt Schultz, you are excused but please don’t leave Wake County unless it’s to flee to a Central American country without an extradition treaty or golden parachutes.